Saying No and living with it

Hello,


It has been happening regularly. Yes, I have found that a lot of time and energy is spent on attending to work not related to me in any way. If a colleague asks me for help I go out of the way to help even when I know for sure that the work I am doing is actually disturbing my work schedule.

Sometimes people have asked me to do their work and then have even bossed over me about deadlines. Imagine trying to help someone and then seeing their grumpy face when you delay it a bit. Especially after you have worked hard at the task and ignored your personal work.

This is not only restricted to the work place. It happens with friends, clients and family as well.

So one day I sat down to analyze. What is it that makes me say ‘Yes’ when I want to say ‘No’.

I found that at different occasions there were different reasons for not say ‘No’ but the reasons could all be grouped together in 6 main categories.

1. I actually want to help: When someone comes asking for help I take the request at face value and try to accommodate even when I know that I will be neglecting my work in the process.

2. I am afraid of being rude: Right from childhood I have seen my parents do the same and justify it by saying that being able to help is a gift and saying ‘No’ is being rude. Faces do drop when you say ‘No’ and this disappointment is seen a reaction to the rudeness associated with a ‘No’.

3. I wanting to be part of a group: Several times I have said ‘Yes’ when I wanted to say “No’ just because of the feeling that my ‘No’ may make me an outcast.

4. I fear conflict: I always feel that my saying ‘No’ will not be taken kindly by the recipient and might lead to a confrontation immediately or create an enemy for the future.

5. I fear that I will lose opportunities: When my boss asks me to do some personal work at the expense of my official work I want to say ‘No’ but end up saying ‘Yes’ because I fear that saying ‘No’ may affect my career.

6. I fear burning bridges: I feel that some people may take my saying ‘No’ as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.

And then I followed the masters. The people who were able to say 'No'.
 
The results in my next post.
 
Till then,
Manoj